| Painting,
Learning & Surviving |
| Painting,
Learning & Surviving by
Leonard Meiselman |
| Whenever
I feel confused and hurt, I try to get into my studio. If I
can make some marks with paint or pencil I can get closer to
my feelings and I seem to understand things better. The process
of painting reveals me to myself. |
| arI
paint in order to learn. |
| My
mother died in 1987 and my mother’s death pains me still.
I have been painting canvases called Goodbye Mother for fourteen
years now, trying to get closer to understanding the reality
of her life and death. |
| iLearning
how to live with how little I know. |
|
I
have never understood the enormity of the Holocaust. |
| In
1999 an “abstract” form on a canvas seemed to resemble
a
prayer
shawl. |
| It
appeared at first pale and tentative. It appeared like a vision
or an opportunity for dialogue. It asked to be realized. It
required to be painted. A souvenir from my darkest imaginings.
I began at once impulsively trying to conjure it up—in
dabs and drippings of paint—it seemed to be painting itself.
|
| iIt
seemed familiar and inevitable. |
| Demanding
and necessary. Appropriate and essential. A deja vu. Painting
followed painting for three years with more and more complex
histories and emotions about the Holocaust becoming real to
me. |
| I
approach each new painting with awe—terror—and reverence. |
| I
seem to need to paint these paintings. They are elegies for
the past. |
| I
feel like I am saying prayers with paint brushes. |
| Terribly
alone and not alone. The paint raining down like tears from
my brush. |
| September
11th happened and seems to go on happening
in
my mind like
the Holocaust does. |
| A
FLAG WAS FOUND AT GROUND ZERO.
I
saw it on TV It was torn and burned. It seemed like another
kind of prayer shawl. Intuitively I thought I could paint it.
It’s possible that it wasn’t torn or burned and I
imagined it that way or felt it to be that way—hurt—and
violated. I started painting red, white and blue for the first
time ever and I realized how my response to the flag had changed
after Sept. 11th. |
| Flag
and prayer shawl.Symbols that
marked many for death—symbols of faith that survives. Symbols
I inherit and that mark me. |
| PRAYER
SHAWL BECAME A FLAG.FLAG BECAME A PRAYER SHAWL. |
| ainting,
LImpossible
to make art out of such tragedy. It is impossible not to. |
| I
don’t know how I could go on living without placing the
colors and the brush strokes in my own path so that I can stumble
over them and weep—finally—and pick myself up. |
| The
prayer in my paintings—the rage and the tears—are
inside me. |
| When
I am painting is when I am most alive. |
| These
paintings have taught me how connected we are to each other
and to echoes and vibrations that call out to us from injustice
from events that impinge upon the definition of our lives and
identities. These paintings have taught me, as an artist, how
we all require symbols and forms to express our destiny, our
needs, and our mutual despair. We need paintings and poems to
help us survive in the world and to become who we are. |
|
Asked
why I do these paintings I respond “I do not know”.
I realize that I dont
understand
why.Theseipaintings
are a work-in-progress. Awkward notes or
sketches
for
,a
work ahead. |
| My
art is about life and death and learning. How
I respond tells me about who I am. I continue to learn what’s
inside me. |
| These
paintings are a diary of learning moments. A journal of reaching
in and reaching out. Learning how to respond—how to survive—how
to care for and express that glowing inner truth of ourselves—as
we seek for meaning, purpose and the courage to continue. |
| intingintiintingintiintingintiintingintiintingintiintingintiintingintiintitiL.M.
Feb 2002 |
| |